Take Notice

by Aileen Bennett, professional speaker & communication coach.

Are you looking forward to going to work tomorrow? Is it a place where you feel relaxed, valued and creative? Do your colleagues, bosses or employees feel part of a team where you all achieve your best?

 If you have answered “yes” to all of these questions, then please go and get another cup of coffee and skip this column.

 For those of you who are still reading I’d like to offer you a thought. Not one you are going to like much. You may be to blame for the situation. Probably not the only one to blame, but definitely part of the problem. My favorite definition of communication is “the meaning of communication is the response you get” This puts the ball firmly in your lap. If you are not getting the results you want, then you are asking in a non-effective way. I know that it’s easy to blame the other person (they misunderstood, they didn’t do it right, they have problems) but the only communication you can control is your own.

 When I ask audiences what is the one essential skill in business they always agree on “listening” but there is more to it than that. It’s noticing. Listening with your ears, eyes and feelings. Noticing what works and what doesn’t. Many of us find something that doesn’t work and keep doing it, only louder or more emphatically. We think if we speak slower, or raise our voice then our directions will be followed.

 Do you know which person in your office is visual or who likes instructions in bullet points, who likes the big picture and who thrives on detail? Who looks to the side when they don’t understand, who speaks loudly when they are confused, who isolates when they don’t quite know what’s happening? Noticing is everything in business.

 Most people are poor listeners, we all think we can listen but we so rarely do because we are busy forming our own opinions, thinking about what we will say in reply so that we can come up with the most efficient answers. I meet people every day that tell me how they have a bad memory – that they can’t remember people’s names. Most of the time it’s because they never let themselves listen to the name in the first place. While a stranger is introducing themselves most of us are thinking of what we are going to say when it’s our turn to speak. We have no chance of remembering a name that we never heard.

 When we meet someone new we need to notice, listen, look, be in the moment. Ask something about them, connect with them. It’s not our memories that are bad, just our attention spans. Take an extra moment with the people at work tomorrow; consciously notice the things you usually let your subconscious take care of. People give so many clues as to how they think, and what they are like. Someone who is visual will say phrases like ‘I can see that happening’ or ‘let’s focus’, they will look up when they are thinking. An auditory person will look to the side (toward their ears) and use sound as a reference when they speak, ‘I hear what you are saying’, ‘this sounds good’ ‘that rings a bell’. People who use feelings to make sense of the world will say things like ‘that feels good’ or ‘I can’t quite grasp the concept’; they will often look down while thinking. If we can notice these things, we can communicate more effectively and that helps everyone. People are endlessly fascinating, enjoy noticing more and especially notice the results you get. 

 Aileen Bennett is a professional speaker, communication coach and author of 'Notes on Shining, tips to improve your presentation skills'. She can be emailed at info@aileenbennett.com. For more information visit www.aileenbennett.com

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